I am a mother since more than seven months now...
...can you believe that? I sometimes have a hard time... today I want so share some thoughts on this topic with you.
My little girl is sleeping right next to me at this moment, I try to type without noise so that I am not going to wake her up. She is sleeping really good since the first day, we never had a hard time with sleepless nights with her. Thats not the only thing I was surprised about. Before becoming a mother, I thought this is a really difficult, exhausting and enervating job. I found out that its not. Its rather the most normal thing ever, from the first day on. The moment I became a mother I simply WAS a mother and thats it. It was the most normal thing and life continued...
Did I change? Did my life change? Sure, I am a mother now, no longer only friend/sister/wife/cousin/etc. but also mother. But to be honest - I am not sure if I really changed that much. I feel like I am doing the same things as before, blogging, seeing friends, working (a little), cooking, travelling (to Iran with my little one) washing clothes (and cotton diapers now) and spending time with my husband. Plus I spend some time with my baby now, of course, but somehow its like a good friend who is there every day, making your day a little brighter but not asking for too much attention. Of course things changed but I do not really feel it too much since the current state is just the norm for me. I feel its normal not to go out at night and I do not really miss it. I feel its normal that I carry my little one with me to the supermarket when I go grocery shopping and I do not complain about it. I feel its normal to lay down every three- four hours with the little one to feed her and to make her sleep, and I enjoy those little breaks.
I never asked people from the outside if they think that I changed. Maybe I should. Maybe they see things completly different and they think I changed a lot, being a mother now. But for me - I think I just AM. Thats it.
However, having changed or not, I definetly can say that I love being a mother. It makes me proud. I am proud of what I am able to do - making an entire new human being! I am proud of that its ME feeding this little angle, it is ME making her grow and getting bigger and heavier every day. It was ME who carried her for nine months and it is me now carrying her every day close to my heart. This makes me proud and this gives me more confidence for life in general. So in this context, yes I changed and I am perceiving a few things differently - myself between others.
What about my relationship to my husband?
I know many couples face loads of problems when they get children. And I feel very sorry for them. I think it is sad that something as beautiful, wonderful and perfect as a little baby is causing problems in some relationships, even destroying some. I am very very grateful that the relationship to my husband is as wonderful as it ever was - no actually, it is even more beautiful. Because every day we can see the result of our love. This little human being was made by the two of us. This is miraculous. This is simply amazing. And we are grateful for this every day.
We do have time for the two of us, we go for walks together several times a week, we watch a movie together on the sofa once a week, we sit down together to drink tea and talk very frequently and we are always able to discuss everything that is currently bothering us. In a nutshell, our relationship really is as profound and wonderful as it ever was. Our baby did not change this but rather deepened our feelings.
I know that I am not alone, feeling the way I feel about being a mother, but I also know that there are many women out there feeling very differently. Actually, most women I know, complain that they do not have enough time for themselves, because their husbands are busy earning money or doing other things. I can understand these women and I feel sorry for them because they are not able to enjoy the most precious time they can have with their babys, because they are focusing on the fact that they do not have enough time for themselves. I know that I am in a very very fortunate situation because my husband can help me a lot but even if he wasn't, I think that this time that I have with my little one is worth much more than ANYTHING else. Maybe I am conservative and boring but I am okay with that because I am happy. And in the end I think the most important is to be happy :)
Are you a mother? How do you feel about being a mother? How was the first year with your baby? I really would love to know!